Post by integrity4u on Dec 7, 2005 1:44:45 GMT -6
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 01, 2005
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along... And don't be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree
will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that
time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts
easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO
will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
> ================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 02, 2005
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
we're
calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation
Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We
will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 03, 2005
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the
union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
$10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 04, 2005
RE: Holiday Party
Yes, what a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in
little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for
members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and
pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are
allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men;
each
will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the
Gay
men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no
cross-dressing allowed though. Low-fat food will be available for those on
a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those
people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits
as dessert for Diabetics; the
restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Damn Employees
DATE: December 05, 2005
RE: The Frickin' Holiday Party
Vegetarian jerks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly
at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put
it, and you'll get your stinking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But
you know tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've
heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have
a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,
The beotch from HELL!!!!!!!!
================================================================
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 06, 2005
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management
has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of
the
23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 01, 2005
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along... And don't be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree
will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that
time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts
easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO
will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
> ================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 02, 2005
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
we're
calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation
Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We
will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 03, 2005
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the
union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
$10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 04, 2005
RE: Holiday Party
Yes, what a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in
little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for
members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and
pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are
allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men;
each
will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the
Gay
men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no
cross-dressing allowed though. Low-fat food will be available for those on
a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those
people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits
as dessert for Diabetics; the
restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
================================================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Damn Employees
DATE: December 05, 2005
RE: The Frickin' Holiday Party
Vegetarian jerks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly
at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put
it, and you'll get your stinking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But
you know tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've
heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have
a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,
The beotch from HELL!!!!!!!!
================================================================
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 06, 2005
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management
has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of
the
23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays